A Letter to My One Year Old Daughter

Dear Sariyah,

It is really hard to believe we are here now, at one year. I mean how?  It seems just like yesterday when those lines immediately showed up on the test. I remember how we were in the middle of already trying to find a bigger home. And you were the greatest testament of faith for me. God whispered your name to me long before it was confirmed. And the meaning behind your name holds so much power.

It seems just like yesterday that warm April day we brought you home to your floral filled nursery. Your siblings were so anxious to just sit and hold you.  I will never forget the journey carrying you those nine months. I was always so sick, feeling like I couldn’t go on. The constant iv fluids, and dehydration. But your kicks reminded me of the prize ahead, and all the added joy to come.

And so I fought through.

Then the day of your arrival finally came. You gave us quite the scare when you turned purple in our arms only a few minutes old. You had to be rushed off to the nicu your breathing was shallow, and you had low oxygen levels. I have never felt that type of fear in my life, the way your dad jumped up for help. Although you came into this world struggling to breathe, you still took my breath away. You were far more than I could have ever imagined or dreamt of.

I have had such a joyous time watching you grow. I have never understood when people ask how it’s possible to love more than one kid. Because I love you just as much as I love your siblings. It’s a love in the depths of my heart; a mother’s capacity to love has no limits.

Your siblings are so captivated by you. Your big brother Jai laid on the floor with you as you first started to crawl—–he cheered you on. I’ve even caught him just rocking you silently in the glider, when you awaken early in the morning. I’d run in not seeing you on the camera, and there he was holding you tightly. Your big sisters love holding you, and usually fight over you. Liam thinks you are his very own life sized baby doll. And your dad, well he is enamored by you.

You are so loved. And when I step back and take it all in, I feel so much gratitude for all of you. You skipped over baby food and go straight for whatever we are eating. You were the first baby to successfully sleep in your crib the full 12 months. 

You love to crawl up to the table and wait as I chop tiny pieces of food up for you. But you insist on feeding yourself. You skipped right over baby food, and went straight for table food. And now you do this cute thing of pointing at what you want, or pointing at me to hold you.

I think my favorite thing is when you hold your arms out, as I kneel down to scoop you up. You are always on the go these days. You are very independent and a ball of many emotions. And I caught you taking your first steps last month! All of us did and your big brother Jai clapped so hard for you. You haven’t mastered taking more than 3-5 steps yet, but you are getting so close. You fall, but you get right back up full of determination. You are 21lbs and have the most plump legs and rubber band wrists. Your gummy smile has been replaced with 4 teeth that all popped up back to back last month.

You came into this world struggling to breathe, yet you take my breath away daily sweet Sariyah Rose.

You are my rose, from the thorns of hyperemesis.

You are the true definition of a rose in all its glory. I can’t see a rose and not think of you. Things are uncertain right now with this COVID-19. We couldn’t have a big party for you. But we cherished your day all that much more ––– just the seven of us. I put together decorations for you that afternoon. 

You woke up to balloons, and brightly colored decorations. Your eyes were so captivated by all the little things. But you also seemed a little overwhelmed by it all. Which is okay you are still trying to figure things out in this big world. Your cake was so beautiful covered in 3 shades of pink buttercream rosettes, but you didn’t want any part of it. Your dad even tried putting some icing on your face. You still didn’t seem too impressed which wasn’t like you. You never turn any food down. 

Nonetheless, it was still so special just soaking it all in. 

There wasn’t any rushing to set up on time for a scheduled party. And for some reason I can’t help but feel like this was exactly what we needed. The world around us was still spinning, but time stood still here in this house. Because no matter what we were together, just celebrating you.

After a while, your dad made you a bottle to lay you down for a nap. He thought maybe you just needed a nap and then we could let you try your smash cake again later. I watched you drift off in your crib. My heart filled with so many emotions, I couldn’t help but to let the tears flow. One thing I have learned is that it is okay to grieve changes.

Things have changed so much in this short year. I know all too well that time waits for no one. I’m really not sure if you are the last baby to lay in this crib. But I do know that this has been such a blessing watching you reach grow and explore the world around you. 

When you woke up from your nap you still wanted nothing to do with your cake. You did however love one gift in particular which was a bright pink princess tent.

Your siblings stood around you trying to get you to eat cake. And in a quick snap I caught the five of you. My whole heart all in one picture. My greatest blessings. Your siblings adore you, and have been your biggest cheerleaders over the past year. And I hope all of you know how important it is to always stand together. I have watched them protect, teach, and love you with a love so pure. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine 5 kids, now I cannot imagine life without any of you.

You have been such a sweet addition to our family.

So just as I’ve watched you take your first steps, know that I will always be with you each and every step to come. We will all be there, cheering for you as you reach new milestones. Because that’s what we do as a family no matter how chaotic it gets. Our love is loud, and messy, but it’s the kind of love my heart knew I needed long before I did. I hope I held you enough when I was in a postpartum sleep deprived fog, and that you know just how loved you are.

Happy 12 months Sariyah Rose, mommy, daddy, and all of your siblings love you so much. We cannot wait to continue watching you bloom into your own little person.

#sariyahroseblooms